You can't special order awesome
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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