hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
