I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
