im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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