Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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