Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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