The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
