the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
