i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize