Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
