girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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