oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
