well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
