Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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