You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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