Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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