We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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