My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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