I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
