Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
