You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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