I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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