Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize