Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
