is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
