I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
