I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
