Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
