Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize