It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize