the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
