im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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