I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
