i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
