my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Everything about him screamed your future.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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