Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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