I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
