It's like God shit irony all over that family
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
