all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
