She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
