Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
