Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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