Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize