Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
