Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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