I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
