you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
