she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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