I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
