I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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