What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
