Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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