i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
