i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
