I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
