Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
