I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
