This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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