my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
