You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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