OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
