life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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